DEON COLE MADE ME CRY!

Have you watched Deon Cole's latest comedy special on Netflix? If not, you should. I don't want to spoil it but I will say you can see a little sadness in his eyes as he walks on the stage and his punchlines are a little slower than usual. If you can't tell, I enjoy Deon Cole's comedy, I think he's a cutie pie, he's from the Midwest like me so I can identify with his energy and upbringing, he's also naturally funny. However he has encountered a major loss that he shares at the end of the special and his sincerity brought me to tears. Now, because I listen deeply to everything which can be annoying, I analyze every word, conversation and movement that I experience in everyday life, including my own (I do myself the worst) and there was a part of his set where he shared that women need to be more open to "giving" it away, especially if they are forty-five and over. Deon Cole, like so many other Men and "relationship experts" decided to share that a Woman of a certain age having standards makes no sense. Though I was not offended, I am over this narrative, it's been on repeat and replay for far too long, especially within the Black community.

Over and over, we hear that Women need to be "wife material", which includes cooking, cleaning and catering to thier Man while allowing him to step out and have a side piece every now and then or be willing to accepgt polygamy. What I have not heard is what it takes for a Man to be considered "Husband material" or why Men "need" a Wife just as much as a Woman needs a Husband. You're probably thinking "what does this have to do with a Deon Cole comedy special"? Well, Mr. Cole is like most Men, especially those who have become successful and financially secure. They paper chase, going in and out of relationships and see no real reason to settle down because they have so many options. I'm sure there are more reasons but this is the one I see play out most often. Truth is, if Mr. Cole had a wife, his current experience of suffering would be different. See, a wife is not just there to fulfill all the NEEDS AND DESIRES of her partner but more than anything they become moral support.

While Men are going through life thinking, I will settle down one day, they are AGING! What happens when you age? You lose! You lose friends, family, loss of physical functions, mental agility is slower and honestly, that sexual piece just wont hit like it used to. They may have thier money but the moral support of someone who loves, knows and genuinely cares for your well being is irreplacable and priceless. I worked in Nursing Homes, Hospitals and personal homes caring for Elderly, injured and disabled people some have been richer than anyone I have ever expected to know and others have been poorer than I have ever been and in both situations the problems were the same. All that money they had only mattered to the extent of the options available for personal care but in both cases the lack of moral support was the gateway to a certain kind of suffering that I can't explain.

One of my first experiences as a Nursing Assistant was at a stinky, horrible three floor facility in Detroit off Six Mile and Schaefer. The whole place smelled like urine and fesces ALL THE TIME but there was one room that smelled like Glade plugins. It was in the middle of the hallway on the second floor and for the sake of privacy, let's call it Mr. Johnson's room. Mr. Johnson was Elderly, he had several health issues but his last was a stroke that caused him to fall and break his hip. He had the sweetest kindest wife! She was there every single day, she sat at his bedside almost 8 hrs, I can only say eight because that was my shift and brought food for the CNA's, gifts and read to Mr. Johnson. He could barely talk but you could hear it when his wife made him laugh, he was pleased. When Mr. Johnson needed cleaning, she would politely ring the bell and I promise you, WE ALL CAME RUNNING! Why, because his wife knew that we were all he had for the moment, she was old and had health issues herself, she couldn't care for him so she treated us with respect and she treated him with respect as well. There were times she even went as far as to lay down in the bed next to him and rub his shoulders. SHE LOVED HIM and we loved them we kept his room fresh and his body clean.

One of my final experiences as a Nursing Assistant was caring for a Man in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, let's call him Mr. Petoskey. He had a major heart attack and life went downhill from there. When I got to him, he could barely breath much less walk, he was completely incontinent and confined to his bed. I worked at his house with other CNA's, he had around the clock care. He had two children, a girlfriend who was quite a bit younger than him and an ex-wife. He had plenty of friends, employees and lots of money. Truthfully, he wasn't a bad guy, he was never mean to any of us that I am aware of and the pay was generous however, his moral support was non existent. I was there 4 mos, I never met one of his kids, his girlfriend lived there but was always "working" and his friends came and stayed for a few but they could only care for him so much. Guess what, often when I arrived, Mr. Petoskey's bed was urine soaked, he needed cleaning, the downstairs would smell because his room was on the first floor by the KITCHEN!! Unfortunately, the CNA's would steal from him, they took food, they took toilet paper and he had someone there to monitor us but of course you can't see everything and that guy got "cool" with some of the females (y'all know what I talmbout) so a lot happened that should not have in his beautiful home. HE NEEDED A WIFE!!

You ever wonder why the first vow of a marriage is in sickness and not for poorer? Money can be replaced if someone steals from you but people will leave when you are sick quicker than anything I've ever seen. Friends are great but it's not likely that they will wipe and wash your ass daily but you know who will...A WIFE! A WIFE! A WIFE! They will provide real comfort when you suffer a major loss, they will love you when you pee your pants and they will help you up when you fall. So... the way that Men don't care for themselves and thier health, the way they are so free with thier sexual energy etc, after the age of forty-five, they need to walk around with a ring in it in thier pocket waiting to propose! WE NEED EACH OTHER, NEITHER IS AT THIER BEST WITHOUT THE OTHER! So, I am holding space for the greatest of outcomes for Deon Cole but he suffers his loss without the moral support of a WIFE and for that I am truly saddened.