PRESSURE MAKES DIAMONDS

I often wonder why I encounter challenges so often in my life. However, I have such wonderful experiences full of happiness and joy to share. In fact, my experiences in this lifetime are so vast, if all of a sudden, life became dull and nothing ever changed again for me (not possible but just saying) I could still write two more books simply based off my life and they would be entertaining and in some aspects quite sad. I sometimes think, where's my breakthrough, where's the love that will encourage me to be all of myself, not what they think "fits" the me they want as a partner. I have been blessed with a beautiful and talented daughter and the most polite, honest and hardworking sun anyone could ever ask for but they never really had a father figure. Why? This is my constant question, why? I feel like we deserve things to go smooth for once, resources, family, finances, foundation and all those wonderful "f" words that make you feel loved and supported. Often times I feel like the word we get most is "fucked"! I am sure it doesn't seem like I would be writing this type of blog but truth is truth and one thing I am is honest. I've had to sit with this emotional disposition for quite sometime and embrace how I feel. There was a time when I kept a smile on my face to keep up the image that things were going well for me on all fronts but now that I am comfortable with myself, I have no problem telling it like it is. Often, when people ask me how I'm doing, my response is "I'm doing the best I can". Based on the response, I can tell that the assumption may be that I'm upset but in fact, who can do more than the best they can do in the moment? We make plans, we plan to be able to see them through but life goes how it goes. You may have to alter your life in order to follow through on what you planned and sometimes you can't follow through, then what? Should you stop, should you fold or should you do the best you can to deal with things considering where you are or how you feel in that moment?

In the past, I wanted to do so much and I didn't but I had access to more than I have access to now and I used to think to myself "I've done more with less". Well, be careful what you wish for because you may just have to prove it one day and so I am here, under pressure to make things happen with what I have. The blessing in it is, in fact, I AM DOING MORE!! Comfort doesn't seem to give you the same kind of wings as discomfort so, it is what it is. If someone would've told me January of 2021 that I would leave Georgia for a month, return and be unhappy about it but on June 18th, 2021 I would be publishing my poetry book, I am sure I wouldn't have believed it.

If this year has taught me anything, it's be willing to live in the moment, don't be afraid of change and let yourself be guided because you truly don't control anything but yourself. Let's see what kind of "diamonds" come forward in the future of this life for me. Love and Light to you all.... ASE'